Updated: Jul 16
I endeavor to be scrupulously honest with myself.
I used to lie - a lot.
In my 30s I was in a 12-step program, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and it (and therapy) helped me realize that I was not only lying to others I was lying to myself.
I am good at hiding. I found that lying was a way I could hide. No one really knew me or what my life was like. And it sucked-my life and pretending (lying).
I learned that I never felt good enough, thin enough, pretty enough, educated enough. So - lying became part of my armor.
My recovery from lying to others was that if I told a lie, I made myself immediately admit it to whomever I was speaking to. Something like, “I’m sorry that was a lie and I apologize.” The blowback from this admission was enough to stop me, and still stops me, from telling lies to others – that and Karma.
I did find, though, that scrupulous honesty was to be applied only to myself. There are times when scrupulous honesty with others would needlessly hurt them. Such as when offering a friend my honest opinion when I know that affirmation is what they want. The only exception I make here is if I felt they were putting themselves in danger or if we are in therapy.
What I do know about self-honesty is that it’s the only path to recovery from any addiction, the only way to have good relationships, and the only way to heal.