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Letting go

Yikes! When I decided to write about this the first memory that popped up was when I was on my first check out dive to get my PADI scuba license. The class was instructed to swim out to the boat to begin the dive. The boat was in the ocean about ½ mile away and the wind had kicked up making the waves choppy.

While swimming each wave would hit me and flip me over on my back. I’d right myself and continue on. I was the last one to make it to the boat and the instructor asked why. She said that I didn’t have enough weight on my belt and added another 40 pounds. Turns out I’m like a bobber in the water.

I was already tired and scared so when the instructor told me to let go of the boat and follow her I realized I was not able to let go. What the hell was I thinking? Putting myself in a totally foreign environment, dependent on just the air in my tank and my classes to survive.

The instructor took my hands one at a time and gently placed them on the dive rope and motioned for me to look down into the water. I kept trying to get to the surface, mistakenly thinking I need to be above water to breathe even though I was breathing through my regulator. She gently pulled me down, and believe me I was fighting it. She tapped my regulator and I realized I was breathing under water. My panic made me believe I couldn’t breathe under water even though I was. She motioned for us to dive down and she showed me by holding the rope and moving down it. So, I did too.

It was so different under the surface, somehow brighter and so beautiful, while up top it was raining and windy.

A couple other things happened during that first dive that lead me to abandon it and swim to shore. But I did go back in a couple weeks and complete the dive and got my license.

Moral of the story – It’s scary letting go of what you are used to even though you want to, need to. Sometimes so scary you think you’re going to die. But you won’t. And your life will be so much brighter and beautiful.

If I have trouble letting go of someone or something in real life; I practice visualizing walking them out the door and closing the door behind them during my meditation. I do it as many times as I need to in order to do it in reality. Learn to meditate-it will change your life. Classes and guided meditations available at

Photo by Jessica Lawlor

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